I grew up in church. I attended 3 separate independent, fundamental Baptist churches, and a Baptist school until about the age of 19. I had a lot of phases regarding church as a kid and teenager, but I never really let them out. I just had small changes of mind. I wasn't really even conscious of these changes at the time.
I remember being in Sunday school between the age of 5-7, I can't remember exactly what age. Anyway, our teacher was asking what we thought we might want to be when we grow up, and I told her I wanted to be a comedian. Now, at that age, I don't even know where I got the idea that I wanted to be a comedian. I remember watching Johnny Carson and Arsenio Hall with my dad, and that's the only place I can think of where I had ever seen a comedian, but that is what I wanted to be. Upon telling my teacher that, she told me I shouldn't just be a comedian; I need to be a "Christian" comedian. I remember being saddened by that.
The Baptist school I attended was about 20 minutes from my house in Blanchester, Ohio and one of my teachers, who also lived in Blanchester, would take me home after school every day. One such day, I was very excited because the ladies softball team at our church was set to play a game on their softball field. I sat in the back of his car and as soon as he entered I remember sitting on my hands to withhold my excitement. He then asked how my day was and I said, "good, but it'll be even better because I'll be back here tonight." "Tonight?" he replied, "What for?" "Well, my mom's softball team from church is playing on your field, so I get to come back here with her." At this point his wife inquired, "Will they be wearing pants when they play?" "Uh, yeah?" I said back in confusion. That was the end of that conversation.
I arrived home and a little later asked my mom when we were going to the game. She said we weren't because they didn't want women wearing pants playing on their field. Apparently the pastor had okay'd it but the members weren't happy with it, or at least this particular teacher. I wondered what I did wrong. Did they now think my mom was a bad person? Was I a bad person? I didn't understand what the deal was with the pants. I later learned that men and women are to be separate, woman wear skirts/dresses/culottes and men wear pants, but never shorts. It is okay for women and men to both wear t-shirts. It is okay for both men and women to wear hats. Basically, anything above the waste was neutral, but below the waste(where our naughty parts are) was where God needed to make the distinction.
As a teenager, the night I actually decided to accept this whole Jesus thing, in youth group, we were going over the reasons the Harry Potter series was bad. I wasn't really interested in the series at this time anyway, the whole thing didn't matter to me. I had been having a hell of an existential crisis and needed to have some sort of relief. I was literally dreaming of burning in hell. It consumed me. I would sleep in the living room or on my mom's bedroom floor out of fear. I was 14 years old.
Anyway, so we were discussing the Harry Potter series, and we never discussed the plot. We never discussed the deeper meanings. We simply discussed how J.K. Rowling uses occult imagery. If you know anything about literature, it is that authors are artists, and when they dream up a world, it doesn't matter what that means to our world, it is itself a separate universe. The battle of good versus evil, and the deeper subtexts are what we are to study. No one is reading Harry Potter and hoping to become a satanist, and I assure you, more people have probably read the Left Behind series and turned from God, than the Harry Potter series. At least Rowling doesn't bastardize the Bible by turning it into a disaster story for the entertainment of others. I digress...
In Sunday school, when I was deeply saddened, even at that young age I had a feeling that that was BS.
That same frame of mind falls into the debacle regarding the softball game. I knew then that it was BS, but I also knew that I was a kid and had very little knowledge of the Bible or truth, and these people seemed to have a firm grasp on it, so I was afraid of my doubts. I accepted it outwardly, and went on to worry for my moms salvation because she still wore pants.
It all comes back to image. That particular brand of Christianity isn't exactly tied to the Christian business market. It actually reverts itself to before that model even came into place. Gospel music and maybe Southern Gospel, are the only God-given songs we are allowed to sing or listen to. We must appear different. We mustn't see any film with cursing or sex in it(violence is okay of course). It's all a matter of the appearance. Let's change the outside first and then the heart can change later. That's not how true change works, and they aren't creating disciples, they are creating robots. All you have to do to survive at a church such as that is to learn the right language, dress and etiquette, and you'll be seen as "Holy, Holy, Holy".
The exact same thing goes for the Harry Potter thing. It isn't about thinking intellectually about the series, but instead, right when I see the cover, it doesn't look Christian, it looks like something from a demonic book. It's burning my eyes! Throw it in the fire! We harped on about how one character in the series said he was the age 665 a year before, which means his age at the time was 666, and God forbid we wait til the series is over to find out that character turns out to be bad.
Image, it's all that matters to most Christians, and I must say, that's much more reminiscent of the world outside of the church than if we were all just honest with each other.
I'm struck by how the Bible isn't a collection of stories where people do the right thing, listen to good music, wear the appropriate clothing, and never make a mistake. The Bible is full of broken people, making mistakes and apologizing to God, turning from those mistakes and then doing amazing things and helping other broken people while still being broken themselves.
Do we think King David wasn't broken forever after committing adultery, murdering, lying, stealing, etc? We read through Psalms and see that David had deep, deep issues. He was constantly doubting God and praising God, sometimes in the same chapter. David was a man after God's own heart. Nowadays, he would be apostate.
Peter, the person Christ placed his church on, denied Christ 3 times on the night of Christ's death! This wasn't before he started following Christ, this was during his walk, and Peter does these types of things throughout the Bible, but because of his brokenness, he is so much more effective for Christ. He doesn't put up a front and say, "hey, I'm good, let me teach you, you sit back and learn and then start acting as I do." He is broken and through the books of Peter we see his brokenness, and his heart for Jesus and the people of Jesus.
The apostle Thomas doubted Jesus' Resurrection, even when told by the others that they had seen him. He said he wouldn't believe until he could touch the hole in his side. He reminds me of the doubts and struggles I have. Yes, when he finally does see Jesus, Jesus says he was blessed because he had seen, blessed more are those who haven't and still believe, but Thomas is the first person in the Bible to call Jesus "My Lord, my God". He refers to him as both. How much more deeply affected was Thomas than the other apostles who believed more easily? This isn't to say doubt is necessary for the Christian faith, but it is to say it shouldn't be condemned.
Let's leave the image for the Pharisees and show the world that we are broken, imperfect people who are simply seeking redemptive lives, seeking perfection but never reaching it in this life. When we accept that about ourselves, we no longer need image control.
Brilliant blog, I truly enjoyed the read. I really loved the Harry Potter vs Left Behind part. For the record my wife is a diehard nerd over the Potter series and she was the one that God used to bring me into a relationship with Him. Just brilliant.
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